"Where there's a will, there's a way." Eliza Cook

Where there's a will, there's a way." Eliza Cook

This is a quote that describes Jimmy and our family journey.  When Jimmy was diagnosed with autism, we heard….he can't, he won't, don't, stop….etc…. Of course, this was hard to hear let alone absorb given how we thought about Jimmy…..a curious, sweet, cuddly, beautiful little boy.  He was the "engaged" kid…engaged with family, grocery store clerks and the camera. We had three children in just shy of 2 and a half years. Jimmy was the youngest. Marrying somewhat late, we thought that three was the number of children God had given us. As a gift to Brian for Christmas, I decided that I would find an artist to create a beautiful image of our three kids.  I located a seasoned artist who came on several occasions to visit our home and draw the kids as well as photograph them. Jimmy was about a year and a half. The artist stopped me and said, "Jimmy, is the most amazing kid to draw….he is so engaged and has the best eye contact." Funny, I had never heard anyone say those words…."eye contact." Sadly, over the next several years, Jimmy's eye contact would become non-existent, a hallmark of autism.  Our world changed as we added 2 more children and Jimmy was diagnosed with autism.   We learned that Jimmy's condition would alter our family in so many ways.  Not just for Brian and me, but, for all of our kids.

None of us wanted to accept that Jimmy….couldn't, wouldn't, shouldn't.  Verbal communication was very difficult for Jimmy and it still is.  When he was about 5 years old, Brian and I left for the weekend to attend my sister's college graduation. Our daughter was in elementary school at the time and had checked out a book on sign language from the school library. When we returned from the weekend away, Brian asked me what Jimmy was doing with his hands.  Stunned as I watched, he was signing the alphabet. He taught himself sign language while we were gone. For the next several years, we used sign language to help him in school and in public places…it clearly made more sense to him than oral language. I often describe Jimmy as the blade of grass that grows through the tar in the road. He wants to be part of our community and he shows us how it works for him.

Having grown up in an large family, I had dreams of replicating Sunday brunch after Church, teaching my kids to participate in the sports I loved, family travel and so much more. Autism effects family function. Going to Church is one of those activities that becomes handicapped. Being in public placed that require quiet, attention and focus is not easy for someone with autism. As a catholic, it was important to me that Jimmy make his First Communion. The priest at the church that we had been a part of for many years, told us that Jimmy couldn't participate in First Communion activities…."we don't have anything available for him here." Not offering us an alternative, I was saddened by the thought that this personal and family event might not take place. Rather than stop there, I sought out someone who might help us achieve this important milestone.  Fr. Kevin Clinton was the pastor at St. Peter's in Mendota.  I went to see him after mass one morning and explained the situation.  He took my hand and said, "I don't know much about autism, but, I would be happy to work with Jimmy and your family." I was struck by the kindness and openness to the thought of doing something different to accomplish the goal. Having been diagnosed with dyslexia in high school, I knew that sometimes the traditional path to learning wasn't always the best path. Jimmy made his First Communion at St. Peter's in an emotional ceremony. First Communion was scheduled to take place during Mass on Mother's day.  Two week before the big event, Jimmy got sick, a frequent occurrence.  He would struggle to be in church.  I knew that making his First Communion during Mass would be too difficult for him and it wouldn't be fair to the other children and their families who would be with him.  I called Fr. Kevin and sadly reported the circumstances. He said, "no problem, don't worry.  Have your family come to the church at 12:15 (after the last Mass) and we will have an individual ceremony for Jimmy and your family." I was so grateful.  This was an amazing experience watching Fr. Kevin kneel in front of Jimmy and talk with him about what was happening.  It was a moment of peace, joy and tears.  With the help of Fr. Kevin, Cathy Riable and Judy Funk, the milestone was reached in the most lovely way.

I have been a lifelong athlete. I love to watch and participate in almost any sport.  As a kid, my family took regular alpine ski trips and I continued this as an adult.  I married a skier.  Brian raced in high school and we wanted to make sure that our kids would learn to ski. I asked a psychologist if Jimmy would be able to learn to ski and she said "likely not." I was disappointed and then thought…why not? He was coordinated….in fact, he never fell….he had uncanny balance. I was determined to share the family ski trip and teach Jimmy to ski.

 Eleven years ago, we began our annual pilgrimage to Big Sky, Montana.  This family friendly mountain has become a second home for us. When we first put Jimmy on skies, he lit up.  He liked the speed and didn't fall. We used a harness for several years as he was very capable of skiing almost anything on the hill but lacked awareness of others.  Enter Mike, Big Sky ski instructor. We hired Mike to ski with Jimmy and help us rid him of the harness. Mike asked if Jimmy had ever crashed…..I thought no, we hadn't let him with the harness…..Mike said, "best method of speed control is crashing. But, don't worry, I won't let him get hurt."  Well, he was right about that…..one minor crash and his speed control was much improved. Mike, introduced us three years ago to the Eagle Mount organization in Bozeman.  Eagle Mount makes possible outdoor activities for people with all kinds of disabilities.  They are staff by phenomenal volunteers.  Now, Jimmy skies with folks from Eagle Mount part of the day.  They work with him on control, awareness and challenge his skill level. Skiing is a gift for Jimmy and he has learned to ski virtually any part of the mountain in all conditions. Jimmy skies independently but still struggles somewhat with awareness on the hill.  He loves skiing as much as I do and the rest of the family. 

When I was a kid, my parent bought a piece of property in Northern Minnesota.  There was an ancient tractor on the property. It didn't work and the instruction/repair manual was long gone.  Yet, my dad was determined to get it started.  We took the tractor apart piece by piece to try to understand how it worked and what wasn't working. This has become a lifelong lesson for me as we don't always know how things work or how they should function.  We had to improvise with the tractor and had hope that we could get it running. It doesn't really matter if the tractor ran or not…..it was the journey as we worked and hoped to help it function. With effort, hope and creativity many things are possible.