Here is the "The Bull" completed

 Jimmy with his finished painting, "The Bull."

He decided to use tick marks in the background

Do you think the background looks like a farm field or people in the crowd at a bull fight?

Jimmy Reagan: An Autistic Artist at Work

Many people have asked how Jimmy works.  So, I thought that I would take pictures of him as he is working to help others understand.  He is constantly evolving.  It is always exciting to see what he produces. Enjoy!

Autism: Living in a literal world where "you're different from the rest.' Jimmy Reagan

Girl with Eyelashes by Jimmy Reagan

I recently read "the curious incident of the dog in the night-time." by Mark Haddon. The main character is a boy with autism. He sees the world very literally. This character gave me some recent insight into how Jimmy may view the world. The book was recommended to me by Gloria Smith, a lovely woman that we met at the Edina Art Center Young I: A Teen Self Portrait art show. Jimmy's self portrait won an award at this juried show.  His self portrait was vastly different from the others at the show, confirming his tag line when he is upset, "You're different from the rest." Being different as an artist is a gift and we tell him just that. Being different from those in mainstream society is another thing.

When we arrived at the show, we didn't know if Jimmy's portrait would be on display. When we walked in, his portrait was the first one we saw.  In an overwhelmed and excited motion, we quickly moved to view his portrait on display and take his photo with his picture. As I looked at his portrait, the space we were in became more crowded and people were offering congratulations.  I was a bit baffled.  Then Brian said, "looked there is an award next to Jimmy's portrait." A lovely couple, Phil and Gloria Smith, came up to Brian and I to offer congrats.  Jimmy nervously looked around and spied the video section of the Art Center….he made a b-line for the video shelf. The Smith's reinforced how proud we felt about Jimmy's award and recognition.  All along, I thought, the judges had given Jimmy this award because they knew he had autism…they were being nice. We learned that they didn't know about his autism. The judges discussed why Jimmy's work was so unique….it was "different from the rest." The Smiths watched Jimmy curiously.  Jimmy rejoined our little discussion and Phil asked Jimmy, "what grade are you in?" Jimmy responded, "I am six years old." Phil and Gloria had somewhat stunned expressions on their faces since Jimmy was clearly not 6 years old. I responded with, "Jimmy has autism."  They were very surprised and interested. In fact, they were fascinated. Gloria is an artist and was really interested in Jimmy's perspective. She asked if I had read Mark Haddon's book.  I hadn't.  As  a person with dyslexia, reading is laborious for me and I don't read as much as I should. Gloria mailed me the book which I completed a few months ago. She was right, it is a must read.

Since "the curious incident of the dog in the night-time," is written from the perspective of a boy with autism, I found the book really enlightening as to how Jimmy might view things since he can't verbalize it. I found a new perspective.

When Jimmy was entering kindergarten, I was so excited that he would take a bus to school.  In the previous years of therapy, early interventions, etc…, I drove Jimmy 500 miles a week.  This didn't make for a great experience for his siblings who couldn't share play dates at our home or a park since we were usually in the car or at therapy. So, the idea of Jimmy taking a bus to school was a great relief.  He liked being in the car. The first day the bus arrived at our home, a half ton bus with a friendly bus driver, Jimmy refused to get on the bus.  I was shocked.  I had to get on the bus with him riding to school while Dad drove in the car behind us. This routine lasted for awhile. Jimmy was always horrified by the bus.  I was at a complete loss for words.  In near tears I thought, he HAD to ride the bus…I needed relief from our schedule and his siblings needed a schedule that focused more on them. Autism had taken over our lives. After a few weeks of terror when the bus arrived, I realized what might be going on. This was the first time that I recognized that Jimmy's perception of our world was different and his fears were as well. One of Jimmy's favorite books/program was the Magic School Bus.   Miss Frizzle magically takes student on adventures that usually involves some mutation of a half  ton school bus.  I asked Jimmy if he thought the school bus was going to fly and he said, "yes." Okay, now I get it. We assured him that all the bus would do is drive to school and home. We visited District bussing and he checked out many busses. The District Director and mechanics assured him that their busses were different and  no transforming would occur. He was convinced and learned to love his drivers and the ride to school. Chalk this one up to my first recollection that those with autism often have a literal interpretation of life experiences and what they see.

Girl with Red Hat by Jimmy Reagan
Both Girl with Eyelashes and Girl with Red Hat
were created by Jimmy Reagan.  He was looking at the
same photo of a girl with a red hat.  These are
two very different images.

The topic of my last blog discussed Jimmy's upcoming Guardianship hearing. I have stressed about this date and the experience. But, we have shared little information with Jimmy about this event or at least, I thought so. One of our concerns has been Jimmy's movie talk at the hearing.  The movie lines all seem to revolve around lawyers, going to jail, someone being killed and courts. Brian and I met with our attorney to make sure that the judge understands that these are clips from movies that he watches and not reality.  She was grateful for the heads up and said that she'd advise the court.

Jimmy's movie talk seems to be increasing as is his voice volume lately. Typically this is a sign of stress for him.  Jimmy has also been sneaking foods that light him up like a firecracker.  He has been out of sorts for reasons I could only guess until yesterday.

Yesterday, I had a stunning revelation.  Jimmy usually loves Yoga Mondays. Yesterday, was a Yoga Monday. He was squirmy to say the least.  Bridgett our beloved yoga instructor called me into the room where yoga takes place. Bridgett massaged Jimmy's feet while I worked on his arms and hands.  In quiet conversation between Bridgett and me, she asked about the pending court appearance.  Jimmy looked right at us and said, "August 15th you go to see the judge."  He looked panicked. August 15th is a Monday like yoga Monday and is our hearing date. I don't believe we have shared the court date with Jimmy so I was shocked he knew. Evidently, he has overheard our discussion and sensed our distress. I asked if he was scared and he said, "you go to jail." Suddenly, I realized that he thinks that he is in trouble and going to jail….that's what happens in the movies. In his mind, apparently, sneaking food that makes you sick is cause for jail time. I was sick to my stomach.  We reassured him that he was not going to jail and that he hadn't done anything bad to meet the judge. Meeting the judge was a good thing. Later last night I sat on the couch with him and he looked at me intently,( he typically only makes eye contact when he is intent on communicating) he said, "I so scared, I so scared, I so scared." He had tears in his eyes.  I don't recall another moment in his life where I saw tears like this. I can't say that I know exactly what he was thinking….but, fear was very evident. We hugged and he seemed to feel better. We are working on a social story that I hope will help quell his fear and move me past my own concerns. I've suggested that we bring the judge some of his note cards and we'll go out for ice cream when we are done.  All these things seemed to offer him relief. Today, was a better morning.

Understanding a person with autism can be very challenging when you can't/don't see the world through their eyes. Jimmy's art has allowed him to be "different from the rest" in the most positive way imaginable.  Yet, his autism also forces him to interpret the world in a way that is" different from the rest" of us which is full of fear and misunderstanding.  

Life is a journey full of many learning experiences. Those with autism have an exaggerated difference in their perspective of the world that teaches me to be more understanding.  I can't walk in your shoes but, I can try to comprehend the place you are coming from.  

Jimmysfans at www.bobiam.com

Hi all, I was just informed that Bobiam is offering a special Jimmysfans discount on the t-shirts that he designed.  If you enter, Jimmysfans in the coupon section on the Bobiam website, you'll receive a 15% discount off your shopping cart! 

$1 for each T-Shirt Sold will be donated to the Amplatz Children's Hospital at the University of Minnesota.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What does turning 18 years old mean when you have autism?

July 6th is just around the corner.  For Jimmy, this means that he will be 18 years old. For most soon to be adults, ones 18th birthday is very exciting. For Jimmy, it may feel like just another day with a chance to go to Valley Fair.  For me, Jimmy's birthdays have been a more sad than happy occasion. He didn't have birthday parties as he didn't really understand them, he wasn't really interested in gifts and he couldn't eat the "party" food. Normal teenage milestones for Jimmy have not been marked with the epic excitement of a Driver's License but with a mothers remorse at what could have been. His birthdays remind me that another year has passed where I have failed to help him overcome his challenges with autism. It is a reminder that I have not been able to change his life as I had hoped….drivers license, girlfriends, voting, college, etc… maybe, my expectations and hopes were not firmly grounded.  Certainly, Jimmy has positively changed my life more than I have changed his life.  It is through Jimmy's art that I am seeing his world differently. This July 6th, I am determined to

approach the day differently.   

When Jimmy was diagnosed nearly 16 years ago, we were given marching orders to set in place his services. Brian and I lined up resources with Fraser (www.fraser.org), our school district, Speech Therapy, Occupational Therapy and additional help for our five children who were all under the age 5 1/2.  Brian took a leave of absence from his career to help us manage the reams of information that we needed to decipher.  We made our plan and I embarked on a mission to understand, fix, repair and restore Jimmy as best I could. I followed the instructions directed to us by those in the know.  One of the most daunting tasks was the "packet" we received from Dakota County. It  was so overwhelming.  I'd begin reading the information that was intended to be helpful and put it down in tears thinking how can we be in this position.  Educators and Therapists insisted that we continue with the paper work to make sure that Jimmy was protected and services through the County were lined up. Honestly, I hoped that we wouldn't need their help because Jimmy would grow out of his challenges.  Well, the long and short of it is that we found out we didn't qualify for funding  for services and that we would pay for nearly all of Jimmy's care ourselves. In fact, the insurance companies didn't even want to contribute to his care declining services at Fraser and even ear infections.  The battles were fierce.  It was an overwhelming time for us and many many other families who had children in the spectrum.  The upside is that I never thought about the process with County again until last fall when our school district reminded us that Jimmy would be 18 soon….they asked about Jimmy's social worker…...we didn’t' have one.  Here we go again, I was overwhelmed before we started.

So, what does turning 18 mean for your family if you have autism? The documents that I thought I had avoided were back on my desk. The task that I had postponed for 16 years was back with a vengeance and I felt less capable of managing the emotion of what this means for Jimmy, Brian, me and our other kids than I did when Jimmy was 2. The process is full of lawyers, coordination of wills, designations of guardianship, court dates and many "what ifs".  Perhaps, the real challenge is managing through the emotion of what turning 18 means for your family if you can't care for yourself. I hadn't thought about it this way until recently.

A few weeks ago, we met with our attorney to discuss some of the final pieces of the process before we proceed to court to be named Jimmy's Guardians prior to his 18th birthday. We were discussing the ins and outs of guardianship and social security. I found myself beginning to tear up.  I excused myself from the meeting and wept in the ladies room by myself.  I felt, how is it possible that a judge will decide if I can continue to care for my son?  It seemed so frightening. What if the judge takes Jimmy's movie lines seriously?  We joke about it but…what if? I understand that this process is intended to protect and provide….it just doesn't "feel" that way to me.  We have been working with people in the County that wish to be helpful, attorneys who know their roles and all are empathetic. This seems to be more about a mother's loss and reality check than it is about an overwhelming and daunting process.

Anxiety and anticipation are present in the unknown.   Jimmy isn't aware or bothered by what the family faces on his 18th birthday. He is looking forward to going to Valley Fair on July 6th.  He isn't concerned about going before a judge because he doesn’t know what it means. I know that I will be anxious and will unlikely be able to avoid a deep sense of sadness, loss and failure. I had hoped that my skills as a task master, instruction follower, resource builder and loving mother would all have prevented us from the need to go through this process that we are in. Perhaps, my expectations and hopes were misguided.  Yet, those expectations and hopes have helped me positively persevere through the last 16 years.

Jimmy is defining who he is an artist and loving human being who also has autism. He is creating a future for himself that is clearly different than how I had imaged. He won't be able to care for himself yet he has many valuable and unique skills. He has already positively impacted many lives. I am learning to take his direction which his siblings seem to see easier than I do.  Whoever said that my expectations were right?   

Through Jimmy's art, he has created a bright future for himself and I am learning how to follow his lead rather than insert my own expectations. I am determined to fight my natural sadness on his birthday with a sense optimism for his future.  Each time I look at one of his art pieces, I feel a sense of peace, joy, innocence, pride, and optimism.   So, on July 6th, 2011, I plan to celebrate Jimmy's 18th birthday with the same sense of joy and peace that I see in his art and let go of a the sadness that has been hallmark for me on that day.

Art - Good for Jimmy and Good for us

Art is created and enjoyed by many types of people. Inherently, our society values those that create art.  Art positively speaks to our differences with interest and respect. We all like and dislike different things.  Yet, with art, we respect those differences and elevate them in our society. Differences makes the world an interesting place providing color and depth in our world.

 When it comes to someone with autism, perspective of the world is altered from what is considered normal by actual and diagnostic standards.  Many people with autism, like Jimmy, have heavily restricted verbal means to communicate and engage in relationships. Verbal language is the tool that most of us use to communicate.  What if verbal language is not the easiest communication tool?  People with autism, like Jimmy Reagan, are often challenged to offer their name, make a polite comment, share a joke or offer condolences in the time of need. That doesn't mean that they don't want to express those feelings….How frustrating it must be to have such difficulty sharing what is in your heart and head. I believe that many people with autism becomes frustrated with their inability to communicate.  Just imagine how isolating this must feel.  I believe that this is how Jimmy feels.  He had words until he was about two years old….slowly the words including "Momma" escaped him. Jimmy has suffered years of challenging illnesses and until recently, I never understood that depression and anxiety were a part of his world. His separation and disconnect with those who love him and he loves certainly contributed to the negative spiraling of his health. How would you develop relationships with others, share the world that you live in and be a part of a community that is vital to us as human beings if you can't find a way to communicate with those people? TRY ART.

Jimmy's art has helped him emerge from isolation and has most certainly contributed to the overall improvement of his health. Someday, I'd love to see a research study on this topic. Jimmy "feels" better and certainly "functions" better since he creates art that others find interesting and shall I use the word, "love"? As a parent and someone who appreciates a wide variety of art, I can see how sharing his art makes Jimmy feel. He has purpose and is motivated every time someone tells him that they like his art. His posture is different….not curled over as he has been for years. He is motivation to be in places that demand more language than he can produce.  His stomach pain seems to be more tolerable.  His ability to control his repetitive verbalizations is clearly improved as well.  He's motivated to be in otherwise challenging places.  It also make me and our family feel relief and pride that other people can see the talent in Jimmy that we see.  

Jimmy recently donated an art piece to St. Thomas Academy for their annual auction.  Jimmy and his brothers who attend St. Thomas chose the piece. It was a unique colored pencil portrait called Man from Italy.  It wasn't my first choice and I hoped that someone would bid on it. I learned that a bidding war of sorts took place. I was hearten by this. Then, I received an email from one of our fine U.S. servicemen. His wife had bid on and lost Man from Italy at the St. Thomas auction.  He wanted to buy a print of this work for his wife for Mother's Day. Emotional might be an understatement. I was in the car when I learned this. I pulled over and called my daughter who is in college in Massachusetts….a little overwhelmed….we both felt the warmth of this gesture. It made a difference for us.  His wife loved this piece that Jimmy had proudly donated and helped display.  But, she didn't know how important her desire for this piece might be to Jimmy or his family. But, it is.  It means that Jimmy is communicating with others and it impacts all of us.  Was a great Mother's Day surprise for two moms.

On April 28th, 2011, we hosted an art opening for Jimmy at the Sunfish Cellars in Lilydale, Minnesota. www.sunfishcellars.com.  In January, Brian and I stopped into the newly opened and renovated Sunfish Cellars. We thought it might be a great place to have an art opening with an open loft that seemed very social. Sometime later, Brian and I attended an event at the store, Owner, Bill Miller, asked if we would be interested in displaying Jimmy's art in the store.  Thus, the art opening was born. Some two hundred people attended the event.  We displayed 31 pieces of art.  Jimmy sold 12 original pieces. We were shocked.  Jimmy stayed at the opening for 3 1/2 hours.  As folks came in and mingled, he greeted them with a handshake and "thank you for coming."  He could retrieve these words. I am certain that he thanked everyone in the crowd at least twice and some three times. He was happy to be in the crowd because he was proud of his work and understands that other people enjoy his art as well. Jimmy is motivated by

the positive comments, smiles, hugs and handshakes he receives

when people view his art.

At the opening, I had several parents who have children with autism ask me how I found something that Jimmy was good at….something  purposeful and a way he could feel included in our community.  These are questions that parents of children with autism struggle with daily. I am not sure that we found it for him.  He found it and we followed his lead. Finding a career that is meaningful for someone with autism isn't easy.  In fact, it is very difficult.  But, not impossible or unlikely. 

Several months ago, I attended an autism employment seminar that was hosted by Cargill, 3M, Best Buy, Autism Works and others.  Temple Grandin was the Keynote speaker.  Temple has autism and she  is enormously successful.  When Jimmy was diagnosed, the first book that I read was written by Temple.  This book gave me hope that my autistic 3 year old would have purpose and find his way. Temple is adamant that families find a purpose for their children with autism because people with autism are focused and reliable workers.   They like tasks, they don't mottle up the work area with idle chit chat….they can get the job done. So, hiring someone with autism  seems like it's a no brainer.  But, it isn't.  Our communities need to help create and present opportunities to those with autism.  Best Buy is modeling a new distribution center after a Walgreens distribution center that employs large numbers of handicapped people including those with autism. It is Walgreens most efficient Distribution Center. Their employees show up for work, work hard, get the job done and are happy employees.  People with autism can be very productive.

Where Do We Come From?

 What Are We? Where Are We Going? is a famous painting by Post Impressionist, Paul Gauguin

Purpose is important to us as human beings and is no less important if you have autism.  Purpose can be defined as, " the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc." For centuries, Philosophers and artists have questioned "purpose" and "the meaning of life."  These questions seem to be more daunting for a person with autism and require the help of many to be successful.

As my goals for Jimmy  have changed throughout the years, one has remained the same…..help him find a purpose that he loves, contribute to his community and be happy.  For now, his love of art and his ability to share it with others certainly helps us feel closer to this goal.

I 'd like to thank Nix Wurdak from Mendota Heights Patch, a local electronic newsletter/paper who  interviewed Jimmy at his opening. Nix has a unique understanding of people with autism.  She also works at Fraser, the largest provider of autism services in Minnesota. " 

Check out her story about Jimmy. 

www.mendotaheights.patch.com/articles/mendota-heights-artist-displays-barrel-top-for-winefest

Jimmy's art is currently on display at Sunfish Cellars. http://www.sunfishcellars.com/

http://www.fraser.org/

April 2nd - World Autism Awareness Day

Below is an email that I sent to family and friends in 2008.  The message is still appropriate so I thought I would share it again. Tomorrow is World Autism Awareness Day and today Autism Speaks is promoting Light It Up Blue to raise autism awareness.  Light it up BLUE today, remembers those impacted by autism tomorrow and support those with autism all year long! 

Eight years ago, I began to tell the story of kids with autism along with many other parents around the world. At that time, the autism incidence was reported to be 1 in 10,000 births. Few people felt that autism was on the rise. Families were faced with a dire and often hopeless diagnosis with few alternatives. Physician were puzzled not knowing what to do or how to help families. Today, we know that autism has risen significantly as it effects 1 in 155 children being born.

Last December, the United Nations came together and proclaimed April 2nd World Autism Awareness Day. I am astounded at what has taken place over the last 8 years. I couldn't have imagined the scope of this disease in terms of shear numbers, healthcare needs, family toll and the enormous costs to society. The magnitude is stunning.

Today, April 2nd, 2008 will stand in my mind as a day of relief as the World will take note of these children and their families. It is a call to action for all those who touch families with autism. With the incidence of autism at 1 in 155 births, every person you know knows someone who is suffering with autism. We are all in this together as we look for solutions.

It will be with the observations and actions of many that we will find answers to the causation and effective treatments for autism. Do what you can to help. Collaborate and partner with scientists, teachers, therapists, employers, insurers, government agencies, funding agencies, families, friends and neighbors. Listen well and take action or help others take action.

It is with great appreciation that I send this email. You have been among those that have listened and I trust will help be part of the solution.

Thank you and have a marvelous day!